Taking a risk for a change

I’m scared of getting hurt once again,
I’m scared that he’ll stop talking to me out of the blue.
Maybe this fear is based on my previous relationship attempts.

Maybe I’m the one with the problem,
Maybe I’m clingy,
Maybe it’s something that I do wrong or maybe it’s something that I don’t do.
I just don’t want to get hurt again.

I get my hopes up based on how things are going, but there’s always something that goes wrong and I’m the one who’s left with all these feelings.

I’m the one who’s left with a broken heart,
I’m the one who’s left with all these feelings and not knowing what to do with them.
I’m the one who’s left wondering what went wrong.
I’m the one who’s left trying to connect the dots
I’m the one who’s left like a complete idiot waiting for a call or message in hopes for an answer why, but instead I’m left wondering because no one ever has the guts to tell me.
I guess it’s easier to ignore it than face the situation.
“Out of sight, out of mind” I guess.

I know I can’t be defensive about everything forever, but it’s something I do so I won’t get hurt once again. It’s something I do so my heart won’t get shattered into thousands of pieces by the one person I have truly care about.
It’s wrong to live this way and I now know I have to take the risk.
I can’t be living in fear of rejection and completely closing my heart to someone new.
It’s a risk I will take because I can’t live by the “what if”.

What if he was different?
What if it was going to last?
What if he was the one?
What if?
What if?
What if?

I can’t live by the what if, so fuck it!!
I’m putting my heart out there for him in hopes of his heart concurring with mine.

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Sleepless nights

Sometimes when I can’t sleep I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
I wonder if you still remember me
I wonder if your heart ever concurred with mine.
I mainly wonder what had happened if things would have had turned out differently.

Tonight is one of those sleepless nights were I start wondering all these things.
All of these thoughts cross my mind and I can’t help but to think that there is a high possibility that I don’t cross your mind, that I never did…

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